Family

Akina and her Grandpa Doug

I've never questioned what "family" meant before, I've just always thought of my own. We've had our ups and downs, but my parents, brother, sister, and I are family. We always have been, we always will be. Included, of course, are all those who've jumped in at one point or another. There's my sister-in-law, my niece and nephew, and my partner, Ann. And there's Kay and Jan and Ann and Bill and even some other friends of the family who have been friends for so long, they must be considered family.

There are our friends -- Ann's and mine -- for whom we'd do as much as we'd do for our own biologicals. Jeanne and Lisa are top of the list and now that they've adopted two girls, Akina and Sakura have joined us. The list could go on, though it's not a list at all. It's a daisy-chain of connections, one arm linked with those around it.

Lisa's family, for instance, has been the rose and thorn of her life. She loves them dearly, but they can drive her crazy. They were never very accepting of Jeanne in Lisa's life, but Jeanne's commitment to Lisa has, over the years, allowed Lisa's family to see Jeanne as something more than a phase.

But it wasn't until the two girls arrived that Jeanne actually became a permanent link in the chain. The grandparents have been a vital part of Jeanne and Lisa's parenting plan. They take the girls on overnights, they attend all social events, and they are willing to pick the girls up from school when life gets too hectic. All of the sudden, the grandparents are everywhere and though they may throw irritants in occasionally, there is no question that love has grown in this extended family.

Last night, Lisa was in charge of hosting, yet again, the Families Dinner for the local school district. This dinner is designed to bring together families from the GLBTQ community so they can connect and create a network of support. Lisa has hosted this event for 8 years and never have her parents attended...until last night. They came, of course, because they were the designated "pick up" for the girls after school and the escort to the dinner. They stayed and ate the cafeteria food, watched the Hawaiian dancers perform, and surrounded themselves with gay and lesbian families in all their rainbow glory.

I am sad that three states have banned gay marriage, but there's a part of me that feels as if the bans are the last barriers erected to prevent the inevitable. We, gay/lesbian families, are increasing. We are out there, all puns intended, and all the negation of our existence cannot keep us from existing. It's time, I think, for every family who has a member who is GLBTQ to stand up and say, We are a rainbow family. We are a complilation of married and unmarried individuals who have formed a union despite the laws. My own family -- biological and logical -- is a rainbow family. Though only some of us can marry doesn't matter, really. We are brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, and on and on and our daisy chain is growing every day. These links can be tested, but never broken, not by scared voters or religious zealots.

I never believed I'd hear people discuss the idea of gay marriage in my lifetime. Guess what? We're talking about it. I never thought I'd see gay marriage legalized in my lifetime, but I am hopeful for some odd reason that it will happen. Not because of the lawsuits (for which I am grateful), but because the arms of family are being linked every day despite the oppression and inequalities.

Two steps forward, one step back. Obama moves us forward; Prop 8 (and the like) move us backward, but we'll move forward again.

Grandpa Doug and Akina give me hope.