Ahhhhhh!

I woke to a breeze this morning, a breeze not generated by a fan. The skies are gray though the weather report predicts sunnier skies this afternoon. I'll take what I can get.

I have decided the blueberry is Fruit of the Gods. Simple but potent, a perfect blueberry can make my day, though I eat a handful at a time not one at a time. I bought some the other day. Organic. They are large and juicy and even when buried in my cinnamon/nutmeg/brown sugar/apple oatmeal, they dominate.

I am a happy girl.

This despite the fact that I slept like shit. Muggy, hot and sweaty it didn't help that I coughed for an hour before downing a slug of cough syrup. My cold is rattling around awhile longer, but I refuse to let it roll itself into bronchitis. I am forcing myself to have a productive cough, which is exhausting. Rubin looked annoyingly at me from his stretched out perch on Ann's side of the bed (she'll be home Sunday evening and won't Mr. Dog be bent out of joint when he must give up his favorite new spot).

But today is a busy day. Well, it's a busy afternoon and evening so I must get to my chores, fit in a nap, and conserve my energy for the long haul planned later on.

I'm practicing being nice to myself. It's hard. It takes effort. I had a list of 20 "must-dos" yesterday and still have 4 of them staring at me this morning. I'm trying to focus on the 16 I got done and not the 4 that still await, but I am not so good at complimenting myself. The items left on the list feel more important and urgent than the ones I completed yesterday which begs to question, why didn't I do them first?

And there you have it...my ability to punish myself in the midst of blueberries.

One of the leftover items is to read the REI employee "Base Camp" packet. I think about all those assignments and letters to parents I've written over the past 22 years knowing how few of them were ever read or read with any thoroughness. I feel obliged to read this new employee information in the most exacting way if only to honor those who toiled over the words, words like "You Trail Starts Here" and "Your dedication is appreciated."

I can already see the shift from an education environment to a retail environment. Hell, I get paid time and a half for holiday or overtime work. Granted the time and a half doesn't even come close the "hourly" wage I made as a teacher, but at least it's acknowledged that I did more than what was expected.

I can also win awards and not awards I've had to apply for myself. Ironically, this is how it was in teaching. I was once nominated for Teacher of the Year by a family of one of my students. Honored by the support, I was immediately overwhelmed with mounds of paperwork that I had to complete as well as recommendations I had to enlist and essays I had to write. Now, whenever I see a teacher holding an award in their hands, I know they earned it not by their teaching expertise, but by there industrious perseverance to promote themselves.

According to the REI Employee Handbook, I can get an award for "embodying the values and spirit of REI" and these rewards are not just monetary, but include kayaking trips, promotional gear, and time off. Nice.

My brother wrote me an email last night sending his (and his wife's) enthusiastic encouragement. In a series of exchanges I wrote to him that I have to remind myself that even the worst customer can't hold a candle to my worst students. He begged to differ, but then I told him that even if it was bad, at least I didn't have to come home and call the customer's parents in the evening!

Then my friend Jeanne called. I told her of my email exchanges with my brother and she laughed. "Did I ever tell you what Lisa did?" Jeanne asked referring to her partner.

"No, what did she do?"

"A guy at Home Depot came onto her and she got home and called his wife to let her know!"

Of course, Lisa is also an educator so perhaps it will take me awhile to shake the "communication" habits.

Okay, the day is slowly (thankfully slowly) getting warmer so I should grab the dog, the leash, and my walking shoes and head out the door for a long morning walk before I sit down to thoroughly read this handbook.