Today

I slept last night. Thank you, Rubin. He slept as well. Right next to me, stretched out the full length of my body. With Ann away this week, he's taken over for her and last night it was particularly comforting as I'm still trying to kick this nasty bug that has invaded my body again. He was hesitant to nuzzle up to me at first. Getting close meant he had to smell the Vick's Vapor Rub lathered on my chest and lingering on my fingers (hard to wash off), but once he figured he could put his head toward the foot of the bed and his back legs on the pillow, he was set.

I put in my first shift at REI, though I did not work with any customers. Instead, we were "trained" though as a "former" teacher, there wasn't much training that occurred. Rather, we listened to the store manager go through the key policies, values, and benefits that we'd been asked (and paid) to read in our Employee's Handbook. I was thankful to just be sitting and listening yesterday as this bug has zapped me of my spunky (ha!) energy.

It's hard, though, to shake the teacher in me. After the four hour session, I thought to myself, "If you stop repeating yourself, that training could take 2 hours." Oh well, at least I'm getting paid for it, which is the biggest difference between working in retail and working in education. As a teacher you're "expected" to do a lot of work without any rewards or benefits. Granted, you're on a salary, but still, the job description seems incredibly all-encompassing and generally means anything that needs to get done, you, as a teacher, are expected to do.

In retail, well in my limited experience, your job description is specific and detailed. If you are asked to work a 5 hour shift, you are asked to log in your overtime work so you can get paid. If you are asked to read a handbook, you are paid for reading the handbook. If you are asked to take on a new job, you're trained and that extra training job is paid for.

I could grow to like this.

Of course, minimum wage can't touch my previous teaching salary and perhaps that's the reason they can bleed more work out of you in education. For now, it doesn't matter. I like the clean lines of my job and the extra measures my managers take to make certain my job doesn't ooze over into areas where it doesn't belong.

Meanwhile, I feel left with a dilemma. I am struggling with how to settle into three jobs -- REI, dog-training, and writing. When I initially made this leap away from education, the goal was to make head space, creative space, and time for writing. I have it now and while I struggle with exactly what to do with it (a whole other topic), I'm feeling pulled by two "jobs" outside of the writing.

My retail job pays me and therefore I feel a bit more committed to it. Dog training is simply voluntary and while I love dogs and love the idea of working with them, there is so much to learn and so many hours to put in with a variety of dogs before I can actually make money as a trainer. I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth it to me. I'm beginning to wonder if this is where I want to put my limited energy.

This is what Leah was talking about, I think, when she said I need to practice being a flake. It was her humorous way of saying I needed to decide where I wanted to put my energy to benefit my writing. To choose a paying job over an apprentice job is an appropriate choice, but it will require backing out of the dog training job and that's the tough part for me. I don't want people to think I'm a "flake," that I'm not a committed and competent employee. In other words, I don't want the dog trainers with whom I've be working with to think less of me, to think me a flake. Leah's point is that that is MY issue, not theirs. They'd rather that I be honest than commit to something that I cannot completely commit to.

Yesterday, while listening to the store manager, I realized that REI is a good choice for retirement. It's clear they support their committed employees, but it was also clear (as stated in their Six Core values) that balancing one's life between work and real life is important to them. I quit teaching to find that balance and in the process, filled my plate with more than perhaps I could handle.

Is that why I'm still sick with this never-ending cold? Is that why I might have bronchitis?

The lessons never stop, do they?

Ann comes home this evening. I am glad. Rubin will be thrilled. He's tired of me and frankly, I'm a bit tired of him. We need some variety in our lives and Ann is just the ticket.

So today I shall clean the house, shop for some groceries, and change the sheets on the bed. Today I shall move slowly and take a nap and drink lots and lots of fluids in an attempt to break up this congestion. Today I shall live in today.