Ann's mother

Ann's mother is French.
Ann's mother is also a woman without boundaries.
It is true that she tutored a prisoner when she lived back East and he was imprisoned for some sort of "smuggling" charge... that's the most we can get out of her. "You know how it is," she says, "He was picking berries for his family and someone asked him to carry something across the border."

Yes, well.

She tutored him in English while he was in prison. 25 years her younger, he then wrote her "wildly romantic" love letters, though when Ann read them she said they were like love notes from a 10 year old and very uninspired.

Ann's mother moved to Arizona and lo and behold, he was transferred to a prison in Texas. She never saw him there, but continued to get love letters that she'd fawn over every time Ann talked with her on the phone. Soon, the conversation of "Jose" became something Ann refused to listen to, though the dream of "being with the love of my life" was all good old mom wanted to talk about.

Remember, he's in prison and she is not. Not one single conjugal visit.

Not even a kiss.

Just letters.

She counted down the days until his release and at the end of March, he was released and deported back to Mexico.

They met there, on a balcony of some hotel that we're certain Ann's mother paid for.

She also paid for the removal of his gold "grills" from his teeth, all meals, and god knows what else.

She sent Ann an email, long and involved and written completely in French. I think this is because she did not want me to read it, but I also think she is planning on writing a book about her life and writing in French is not only more natural for her, she thinks it is more romantic.

The email begins, "The first chapter..." and ends, "Stay tuned for the second chapter..."

She's written two other books. Trust me, you won't find them on any bookshelf (other than the shelves of relatives), but they are as fantastical as her email about Mexico and her convict Romeo.

Ann just throws up her hands. "What can I do?" she exclaims, "She's 68 years old."

This is not an uncommon affair for Ann's mother. Yes, she left Wisconsin in a cab and ended up being a call girl in DC. Yes, she lived with a man who said he was Japanese (more prestige) who turned out to be Korean and a swindling masseuse. Yes, she "married" an African man (who lives in Africa) who happened to be married to another woman and then got married to a third shortly after Ann's mom "married" him. He still owes her a significant amount of money, but since he is unfaithful to her, she decided to find "another man" because, as she told me on a visit, "it's important for a woman my age to have sex, no?"

Now there are phone calls between Ann and her sister (who lives nearby their mother). They share their mother stories and worry over the telephone lines about sexually transmitted diseases, whether or not their mother will try to smuggle him back into the US, and yes, they worry about their inheritance, though Ann is pretty much resolved to the fact that they'll be no money from that side of the family. In fact, she sends HER mother money for birthdays and holidays and has paid for a TV, a DVD/VCR, and countless other accessories.

Ann's mother is eccentric. There is no two ways about it, but she is also kind and savvy. She lives simply (buys her clothes at Goodwill) and works hard (childcare, mostly, but also cleaning jobs and work with the elderly).

Still, we can't help thinking that she is mentally ill. She is like one of those Enquirer stories of the women who fall for men they can't have. She gets attached, works herself into a lustful lather, lives on this high for a few months, even a year or two, then crashes -- the men leave her, lie to her, take her money, run off with someone else -- and she goes into a funk, calling Ann up on the phone to tell her how sad she is, how angry she is, how none of it is her fault and really, they were good men, but hey, they were men who have strong sexual appetites.

Chapter two should be interesting. Sad, but interesting.