What's A Girl To Do?

The first dilemma I face with my family reunion trip to Michigan is figuring out what to pack. I have always struggled with packing. I either over pack or under pack and when I arrive at my destination -- be it another state, another country, a campground, or a hotel -- I am without the clothes that make me feel safe, make me feel comfortable, make me feel like myself.

Tomorrow I fly, with my 80 year old mother, to see her older sister in Sutton's Bay, Michigan. Along the way we will meet up with my older sister, my only sister and make our way to Traverse City, just south of Sutton's Bay. It's not traveling with my mother that worries me or meeting and socializing with relatives I've never met. It's not even spending four nights with my difficult sister in a hotel room or the overeating on the food that will be abundant and fattening and white (it is the midwest).

I worry instead about my selection of clothes -- will I be too hot in long pants or too cool in shorts? Does my shirt match the occasion? Do I look too muscular in a tank top? Will that redneck notice my "boyish" clothing? Will my pants fit after days of eating potato salad and white bread? Will I sweat too much in my linen shirt?

Ann, born and bred in the midwest, claims that no one there has any fashion sense. Dressing up, she says, means a clean pair of jeans and a polo shirt without a stain on the front. A few summer's ago, when we drove to Michigan to visit a friend, Ann screamed with delight when, somewhere in Minnesota I think, she saw a man at a rest stop dressed in a bright orange t-shirt, dramatically patterned baggy shorts, sandals and black socks pulled up to his knees. "We're in the midwest now, honey," she informed me and then, for the rest of our journey, men in similar dress kept popping up.

Now, when I share with her my fears of my fashion dilemma, she laughs and says, "Just pack some orange shirts and black socks. You'll be just fine."

Still, our bed is covered with all the clothes I wish to bring. There's no way they'd fit into the luggage, so I must winnow out the choice items from the must haves. Ann says she'll help me after work, but I'm not sure I trust her fashion sensibility. She left this morning dressed in beige shorts and a red shirt and when I saw the dark ankle socks, I made her change into her Keen sandals, sans socks.

The dilemma feels very complex because the items on the bed are the clothes I love the most because they are comfortable, uncomplicated, and the things I like to wear when I am on summer vacation (which officially started today). I want to take everything I've laid out, but I know it won't fit in the bag so I must decide which items will meet the following criteria: comfortable, weather flexible, and family appropriate.

Right now I'm wearing my "Got Privilege?" t-shirt, which I've thought about taking as a statement of my liberal politics, but the shirt is black and I know dark colors attract mosquitoes. Of course, almost all the clothes I have are dark in color. I live in the northwest -- few people wear white in June and I look ill in peach and yellow -- so my wardrobe consists of maroons and darker blues.

I do not own an orange t-shirt.

The complexity of this dilemma is that, once I cull out the bulkier items, will the clothes that remain make me feel good or will I feel deeply uncomfortable because every woman will be in a dress and I'll be in shorts? Or will I be squirming in pants that feel too tight or a shirt that clings to my back in the Michigan humidity? Will I wish I'd brought that shirt instead of this shirt or that bra instead of this one?

And I'm not even talking about shoes, yet! How many pairs of shoes can I fit in my bag and still have room for my clothes? And still know I've got the appropriate shoes for the appropriate situation? Not only do I not own any white pants (along with no orange shirts), I don't own white shoes or high heels.

I am pratical in every way. My clothes reflect that, but this trip isn't about practical. It's about visiting my aunt in her flowery polyester. It's about seeing my cousins in their white shorts and striped knit tops. It's about sharing a meal with distant relatives who wear diamond earrings and expensive shoes.

What's a girl to do?

I was sharing my dilemma with a woman from work. She's very young and she wears the oddest assortment of Thirft Store clothing (she came to work one day in a Wonder Woman costume complete with shiny gold breast plates). She dates a transgender man (currently in transition of female to male) who looks gorgeous in tight black jeans and a tight black t-shirt. She said I shouldn't worry. If I really wanted to know uncomfortable I should travel with her (dressed as she is with "boyfriend" in tow) and see the looks she gets when visiting family in Israel or Florida.

"Try something different," her boyfriend advised.

"Like what?" I query.

"I don't know. Wear a uni-tard and go-go boots. That will truly feel uncomfortable. Then wear your real clothes and you'll feel comfortable again."

Not a bad idea. I've often thought I should just fall into the stereotype so many have of "lesbians" and wear men's clothes in a very manly fashion. No need to worry about shoes, then.

"Wear an orange t-shirt," my co-worked advised. "When in Rome..." she reminded me.

But an orange t-shirt means I must go shopping and frankly, if I'm going to go shopping I refuse to waste my money on dark socks and orange shirts.

Maybe I should just buy another suitcase.

What IS a girl to do?