Oh my. The week back from Spring Break is always tough, but this week was tougher than I've experienced in a long, long time. It began with a field trip to the beach. It was a cold, cold day, but the rain held off and as we headed back to the cars, we sat on the big log by the parking lot and ate the rest of our lunch while the Beach Naturalist talked with us about our observations. Meanwhile, a parent stood next to me and talked. I hate it when they do that--like somehow the on-going lesson isn't worth listening to.
And then she said, "Where's N (my teaching partner)? Oh there she is. She looks like one of the kids!"
I know, it seems like an innocent comment, but 10 times a week we hear this comment and for N, well, it's 10 times too many.
"Would they say that to a tall, white woman?" N asked me. "I don't think so."
She's right. I've watched it all year long. Everyone approaches me first (the tall, white woman) and even after I introduce N as the "other teacher" or "my teaching partner" I'm the only one who gets eye contact, questions asked of me, or invitations to meetings and discussions. It' amazing. Bigotry in action.
So when this parent, who has made this comment numerous times before, blurted it out one more time, I didn't know what to do. My mistake wasn't in keeping silent, though. My mistake was using it as an example with our students (no names mentioned) of how we can make people feel invisible or insignificant with our words.
Well, bigot-mama found out about the discussion and blew about 5 gaskets first on our Assistant Head of School, then on the Head of School and finally on me.
Oh, and let's not forget who she didn't include in her rants and raves...that's right, N my teaching partner.
"It's another way to render me powerless," N said and all of the sudden I saw what she meant -- I'm the threat because I'm white and older and somehow this parent sees me as an "equal." N on the other hand, is bi-racial, dark-skinned, young, and short. She's not a threat in this parent's play book. Not a threat at all.
"She once told me that she doesn't see color," N said yesterday.
"What, like she can't tell red from green?" I asked.
"No, like she doesn't see black people or Asian people or even gay people or Jewish people. She just sees people."
"Isn't that convenient," I joked.
"Isn't that privilege," N quipped back.
I've had some wing-dingers for parents in my 22 years of teaching, but this woman, she takes the wing-dinger cake.
"She wants us to believe in her view of the world," the Assistant Head said today, "but I've been swimming in her water all my life and I still don't get it." (He's Cuban and gay.) "When she said N was 'cute and little' I lost my patience and told her I thought that was demeaning! That's when she stormed out of my office."
So today, bigot-mama was to come in and conference with me only I invited N to join us. We waited for school to begin (the time for the appointment) only bigot-mama never showed up. We talked to her daughter, "Is your mom coming in today?"
"Oh, she's really sick."
Leave it to the bigot to back out of the meeting and let her daughter bare the burden of breaking the news.
I was relieved, on the one hand, and pissed as hell on the other. "It's another power move," I told N.
"Ya think?" she smiled back. N wore her "Got Privilege" shirt today. I almost wore mine, but we'd agreed that my job was to be the bridge in the conversation and not the "in your face" kind of teacher that I really wanted to be.
Of course, after it's all said and done, it's the daughter I feel the most upset about. She's a good kid. She's starting to get it (this privilege stuff) and she's really questioning and observing and is willing to really listen to different perspectives and realize that her view of the world may not be everyone else's. That makes her a threat at home, I'm certain, and since mom sees us as the instigators of her daughter's rebelliousness, well, she's decided to move her to a different school next year.
Good for everyone who had to deal with the mom. Bad for the kid.
My only hope is that when the daughter decides to pull the teenage rebellion at age 15, she does so in a fury of liberal anger, calling her mom out for the bigot she truly is.
What a week!
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