Queer Reflections

I am in my final month of teaching. After 24 years, I've tried to "retire" once before (two years ago), but then the financial crisis hit and I panicked. So I took a part-time job back at the old school where I taught before. The money has been nice, but I am so ready to be done.

But that doesn't mean I haven't been reflective about my career. I have. I know I'm a good teacher. I know I've done a lot of good in my career. I know that I've made a difference in a lot of lives and that if I had the stamina for it all, I'd teach to my grave. But I don't have the stamina. I need change. I need to be challenged and frankly, I've met and faced all the challenges teaching has had to offer.

Still, this morning as we were reading our all-class novel (Totally Joe by James Howe), I realized that so much has changed over the past 24 years. The novel is about a middle school boy who is "totally gay" and figuring out what that means as he moves through those difficult years of adolescence. It's a great book and given the popularity of the television show GLEE, the novel has given us a lot to talk about.

20 years ago (even 10) we NEVER would have talked about this stuff. By this stuff I mean, gay stuff. 20 years ago (even 10) I couldn't be out to my students. In fact, 20 years ago I was doing my best to hide my identity for fear I'd be fired or accused of something immoral. Now, as I look out over my classroom of 22 students, three have gay and/or lesbian parents, two have gay uncles, and 75% of the class adores the show Glee and the gay character, Kurt.

Sure, they still giggle when Joe, the character in the novel we're reading, talks about kissing a boy and sure they get a little squirmy when he talks about playing with dolls and dressing up like a girl, but then they make comments that floor me. "I don't want Joe to break up with Colin," one student said this morning.

"But Colin' being a jerk," said another in response. "Can't he just be comfortable with himself?"

"But that's the point," another chimed in. "It's hard to be true to yourself if everyone is teasing you and calling you hateful names."

Of course, they have a long way to go in some regards. They're writing their own stories as well and none of the characters in their stories are gay and even the kids with gay parents didn't give the characters in their stories gay parents, but still, I marvel at how much more enlightened this generation is than the previous ones.

And I suppose I played a part (a very small part, but a part nonetheless) in "enlightening" generations about queer issues over the last few decades.

There are parts of teaching I'll miss. Reading novels out loud and discussing them is one of the things I'll miss. Kids have amazing insights and even though I've read some of the novels 10 or 15 times over, when I read them with kids, I learn something new every time -- a new perspective, a new connection, a new insight.

But there's that stamina thing again and I just don't have the stamina. It's time to pass the baton to some other queer teacher who can enlighten the next generations.