Tantra and tantrums

Exhausted, the words on the computer screen are fuzzy. Even with my new glasses on.

I woke again at 4 this morning and stared out the window where the lake shook with the first light of day. Ann slept soundly and peacefully beside me, her breath whispering with the leaves of the trees.

I met with my friends of 26 years last night and we talked "through" (not around or under) the large bump in our road. Tears. Wounds. Words. Understanding. Laughter.

Then today, this is the order of events in my day:

7:30 Arrive at school to get some work done on THE MOVIE we're making for our BIG EVENT next week.

7:35 Phone call to inform me that a student's grandmother passed away last night. (It's been a long illness and a struggle for a 10 year old to grasp -- death and all the trappings that slide along with it).

7:45 Copy machine because I realized I hadn't xeroxed off the assignment for the day, but then, as always, the copy machine was not turned on (needs to warm up for like 10 minutes), and once I tried running through my 22 copies, it jammed four times...by that time it was...

8:15 And the kids were in the classroom quietly reading while my teaching partner was tearing apart her desk searching for a missing wallet. No luck.

8:30 School officially begins with a whole school Community Meeting where everyone -- teachers and kids -- is in a fiesty mood. We are all counting down the days.

9:00 Work time to finish up those pesky projects. While the girls are painting and typing and organizing and practicing, we're busily working on THE MOVIE, downloading clips, matching up audio, and plugging in stills to cover up gaffes and mistakes.

10:00 Student whose grandmother died last night, walks into the room. We hug her and ask if she needs or wants anything, that we're sorry for her loss, and she says she just wants a normal day...but it's about to not get normal...

11:00 Math...(I continue working on THE MOVIE)

12:00 Lunch...and this is where it starts to get odd...I'm eating lunch in the room with S (our Health and Fitness teacher) and I casually ask, "So what are your plans for the weekend?"

S: Well, M (her husband) and I are going to continue our work with Tantra.

Me: Oh, like as in Tantric meditation and shakras (I am not as innocent as I may appear)?

S: Yes, as in getting in touch with your male and female aspects and using your shakras to have better and more meaningful sex.

Me: Oh.

S: Your face is a bit red.

Me: Yes, well... (and I'm really thinking...is this something people share at lunch?)

S: It's not as weird as it sounds.

Me: It doesn't sound weird (you must realize that this woman is amazingly fit, incredibly nice and seemingly grounded, and exquisitely gorgegous in a sort of sporty way and my teaching partner and I are constantly commenting to each other how beautiful S is and so, while Tantric sex doesn't sound all that outlandish, I have developed in my head this picture of S bent in some athletic position, orgamismly enjoying herself all the while I'm suspended OVER MY DISH OF COLD PASTA WITH TOMATOES!)

S: We've been working with this amazing couple who I met at a workshop last month.

Me: Oh.

S: They've been together for almost 20 years and have a 14 year old son, but they don't live together because she's in a relationship with a woman and he's in a relationship with a man.

Me: Oh. But they are still like together like sexually?

S: Oh yeah. I met her at a Queer Tantra workshop and M met him at a men's drumming circle. It was kind of weird how we all connected.

Me: Oh...how was that?

S: Well, I just wanted to explore tantras more and M was interested as well, so we started working with this couple in weekly sessions.

Me: Working with means what exactly?

S: We go to their house and learn about shakras and balance and work on stuff.

Me: So like when I go to workshops they show me how to do things. Is that what you do here?

S: Yes, exactly.

Me: (Uncertain of what "exactly" means...) As in what kind of things?

S: Positions. Ways to connect with one another. Clear blocked energy.

Me: Do they SHOW you this?

S: Yes.

Me: And then you practice it?

S: Yes.

Me: (Who cannot get the picture out of my head of this sexy woman and her husband straddled in some yogic posture, naked, while another couple, equally naked and straddled give them encouraging feedback ... "No, just a bit higher...yes, that's it...) You're much braver than I am...

S: It's really opened up a whole new world for us.

Me: I imagine it has. (At this point a student approaches me for help in math...the conversation fades away.)

1:00 My teaching partner and I sit down to start pulling THE MOVIE together. I tell her about my lunch time conversation. She says, "Oh god, I'll never look at S again. How can I without turning bright red."

1:10 We push play on THE MOVIE and what comes out sounds something like garbled oatmealish words. We turn to each other and say, at the exact same moment, SHIT! NO! WHAT THE FUCK?

Side note: We've worked for hours on this movie -- writing it, practicing it with the kids, shooting it, reshooting it -- we've probably put in 25 hours a piece to get this puppy ready.

1:20 (After trying a number of different tacks like rebooting the computer, changing computers, pushing every button we can think of...and still...) Mushy, goopy oatmeal.

Me: It sounds like a tantric mantra. (I start imitating it then segue into orgasmic moans and groans...my teaching partner starts throwing bits of orange peel at me, which I throw back, and soon we are in an all out food fight -- oranges, carrots, crackers -- when the kids walk in from recess.

Student: Our teachers are going off the deep end!

They all walk in scared. We're still throwing things and laughing hysterically and I keep saying "Ohmmmmm" over and over but in a kind of sexual way though the kids can't tell...they think I'm having a nervous breakdown, which I suppose I am since I've not slept well for weeks, I'm putting in 10 hour days, and then taking work, like THE MOVIE home every night...oh and let's not forget I'm not living in my house!!)

1:25 The kids settle down for art time. We brainstorm our options...there's no way we can reshoot...

1:30 I run down to another teacher's room to get help...he's teaching...I try another teacher...she says, "Oh no, you want T (a student) to help you. She's a whiz with IMovie." So we get T who tells us, "You need a bigger, faster computer, that's all."

1:50 We head to another room slogging all of our crap (camera, laptop, external hard drive, script) to find a bigger, faster computer, one whose "shakras aren't blocked" I quip.

2:00 Ahhhh, it works...and I clap and dance and sing "Ohmmm" again and my teaching partner laughs until her eyes fill up with tears and she can't breathe and meanwhile S (the Health and Fitness teacher) walks in and says, "What's so funny?" And we turn bright red and avert our eyes because now when we look at S we just see this sexy, fit woman NAKED in a foursome chanting and drumming and having the best sex of her life, unblocked energy and all.

3:00 We walk back into the room and a kid is having a tantrum about something and the art teacher is standing in the corner holding her hands to the heavens and we're still laughing and crying and trying to catch our breath when I say...

"Hey kids, time for a nap, what do you say..." And in less than a minute, they are all sprawled on the carpet, pillows on their heads, feigning sleep.

Me: That was easy.

My teaching partner: No unblocked energy here.

It would have all been well and good if I'd been able to go home after school, but it was my turn to monitor homework center while trying to download the last of our video onto the file which took me until 6 tonight. Then Ann picked me up, we drove to our house (10 days and counting until we move in) and finally out to dinner because we were too tired to cook.

Over dinner I say to Ann, "Want to hear a funny story?"