Lying

After 20 years of teaching, I know when a kid is lying to me. The signs are palpable. No eye contact is a sure sign or an unwillingness to stop, look, and listen (as my former 5th grade teacher used to say!). Changing stories. Stories interwoven with enough lilting question marks I'm never certain if the kid is in doubt or in denial. Strange body twitches...wringing of the hands, foot tapping, twitchy fingers.

With kids, 9 times out of 10 if you ask them straight out, "Are you telling me stories?" they'll confess. I never ask if they're "lying" because that triggers an instant denial reflex, kind of like the gag reflex. If I say, "So, I'm getting the sense here that what's coming out of your mouth and what really happened may have miles of inaccuracy between them" they look at me, stunned, partly because they may not really know what inaccuracy means, but mostly because they suspect, that I suspect that the truth is still trapped under their tongue.

I like it when they confess. I like that they think the world is going to come to an end if I find out they've been lying. I like that many of them cry, overwhelmed with guilt they can't begin to work through their feelings so they just shake their lower lips or downright bawl in front of me.

No, it's not that I like to torture them. It just that I like to see the "human" in them, the realness in them. They lie, they get caught, they admit it, they repent, and then the move on, learning from their mistakes at least a little if not as much as I'd like to see them learn.

But...there is that 1 out of 10 kids who won't confess. There is that tenth kid who, no matter how much you can prove their story a lie, they will not, can not, and do not even want to admit they lied. They see no point in confessing. They see their actions as part of something greater, more significant and important than being honest.

These are the ones I really worry about. At age 10 or 13 or 17, they've lost their humanity. They've lost any inkling of guilt or remorse. There is no consequence great enough to steer them back to a more honest path. These are troubled kids. Kids whose futures I don't even want to predict.

So tonight, I'm driving home from work (yep, no cycling today as the broken toe is still, dare I say, broken!) I'm listening to George W. during his speech at Kent State. The quote is something like, "If I wanna ta break the law, do think I woulda talked to members of Congress about it?" He was speaking about his illegal spying of American citizens (though he claims it's legal...ha!). His words didn't get to me as much as his chuckle at the end of his sentence. Like a "ha" only with more disdain, more self-righteousness mixed with insincerity than I've ever heard from him before. That chuckle was evidence to me that he's LYING!

Yes, I know he lies all the time, but this was somehow different. This was that 5th grader who knew damn well s/he was doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, but didn't care one iota that they were lying. This was the kid whose self-preservation was far more important than accuracy or honesty or integrity. This was the kid who'd pin the rap on someone else as easily as s/he'd blow her/his nose or fall asleep at night.

I wonder if W's 5th grade teacher knew Georgie-boy would grow up to be that 1 out of 10? I wonder if she (or he, though Texas elementary schools strike me as a place where "shes" would dominate) knew he was the kid who would grow up to be a pathological liar? I wonder if she gave him extra classroom chores to do or made him repent by writing on the board "I will not lie" or had him scrub the toilets or clean the gum out from under the desks?

Hey, George W's 5th grade teacher...if you're out there reading this, was George a kid who could walk miles between his lies and the truth? And if he was, did you try to talk with his parents about it? Did you say things like, "You know, this boy will never go very far in this world if he can't speak the truth." "If George here doesn't fess up to his dishonest ways, he's not going to have any friends." Did you say to George Sr. and Barbara, "I'm deeply concerned that your son has issues that require counseling." Or did you look Sr. in the eye and hold Barbara's hands and say, "Every child I've seen who has a trouble admitting his or her guilt has ended up in prison"?

I guess you didn't figure that he'd go into politics, eh?

Hey, maybe that's where that 1 out of 10 kid ran off to!